The following message was found posted on a "Jeff the Killer Fanboard" in 2013, with a blank field for an IP address on subsequent checks. No one knows who made this post, but the writing style and attribution have lead many to believe it is an angry message from Jeff the Killer himself.
-
Hello, my... LOVELY followers! It's me... Jeff... the KILLER!
Alright, dropping the creepy shit for a second, there's something important I need to say.
When I became Jeff the Killer, you have to understand, so much of my life had been piling on top of itself. I had been stabbed, I had snapped to the point of wanting to permanently smile, I had been desensitized to violence. All of that good stuff! When I committed what I'm most famous for nowadays- what I refer to as the "halcyon killings" in my own personal lore- I wasn't right in the head. I still kill, I still do it for the thrill, but you have to understand I started out normal and got LESS normal.
Some of you are trying to do what I'm doing, and you're doing it ALL WRONG!
Take that little weasel Emmett, for example- that stupid "slasher" all the girls are gawking over now. He became how he was because... he was lied to? That's all? What a dip! He chose to be goaded on by creeps on the internet after making up horror stories of abuse, and now he's the cock of the walk! GAH! I hate that little twerp!
But the thing that really gets me, is how famous Nina has become.
Nina fuckin' Hopkins- even just the name pisses me off. She thinks that she's destined to be my wife or something because she likes my stories and killed her brother over it. You know what you are, lady? A crackpot! An easily-influenced, fake-deep crackpot!
You wanna hear a secret, by the way? I never showed up. I never told Nina I could be "a killer like her." She was goin' crazy off the bleach fumes and probably saw me high off her own ass off Clorox. And her dress sense is fucking AWFUL. Although I guess that's what you get when you model your fashion taste off a mentally ill teenager.
And you know what really stings about all this? Why I chose to update you all in the first place? Nina has HER OWN crazy fangirls and fanboys! Dear God, it's like a Mobius strip I just want to rip in half and throw in the fuckin' shredder!
I know, it's "out of character" for me to call myself a killer, to get pissed off, bluh bluh- listen, you're all total psychos for being so obsessed with me anyways. And not in a "kill your family" psycho way, more in a "go outside and breathe air that hasn't been circulated a million times through your parents' basement" way. I kill out of spite now- if someone talks too much about me I get so sick of it that I crawl in and slice their damn neck!
I don't even know how so many people grew to love me. It stings being an "outcast" that so many people try to imitate- and they never do it right either!
If you really and truly do love me so much, delete your accounts on this stalkerblog and try to live a normal life outside of imitating an unwell serial killer, OK?
Oh, sorry, I mean OOOH SPOOKY BLOOD!! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ALL! Piss off.
-
The post was made in the middle of a series of murders throughout the continental United States. Each and every person killed in this massacre was found to have an account on this website.
——————————
Author's Notes:
The world's first ever spitepasta- but not written out of my own spite.
Rather, recently I had gotten to wondering if Jeff the Killer appreciated the hundreds of copycats and stalkery "girlfriends" like Jane the Killer, Emmett the Slasher, Nina the Killer, etc. I had gotten to thinking, what if he hated them?
I feel like I made Jeff too Deadpool-esque in this, but I kind of had to have him break character because he'd probably never get this pissed off in his original story.
This isn't an attack on the authors of Emmett the Slasher and Nina the Killer, by the way- especially since back in 2021 NtK's author made a very good rewrite of her character. I just thought this'd be funny in a morbid kind of way.
——————————