I never really expected myself to be a fan of Chainsaw Man, but I guess I really was just a fan of Denji, the series' protagonist. As someone close to his age at the time I began reading and not really with very many friends in real life, I fell in love with him- in several senses. One of my main OCs, that I use all the time now, was created as a self-shipping exercise with him. He's such a sweet guy and the more I think about how much he's been taken advantage of, the angrier I get.
Thus, I found myself ecstatic when I found what I now call the "CSM Date Game."
My closest friend- and the one who had introduced me to CSM- said in his own words that I am "not sane about Denji," so when he found what appeared to be some kind of Flash/HTML dating simulator for the Chainsaw Man series, he forwarded it to me without checking what was on it, just saying, half-jokingly, "you can date your boyfriend now" (we had taken to referring to me as Denji's girlfriend because of how often I talked about him).
I had eagerly loaded into the site and it was... amateurish, to put it politely. It was basically an orange slab with some Comic Sans text reading "DATE GAME" and a poorly-cropped PNG of the Chainsaw Man logo on the bottom of the window where the game was- it almost looked like a parody. I sighed, turned on my recording software (to send the footage to my friend, and potentially put on my small YouTube channel), and waited for the game to load in.
As the game opened, a very low-quality loop of the guitar intro to the Chainsaw Man anime's theme played in the background as, without even a title screen, it cut to a series of PNGs of characters from the anime. The ones listed were Makima, Himeno, Power and, of course, Denji (in that order). An odd selection, I thought- Kobeni wasn't here but Himeno was?
Much to my annoyance, every other character on the screen as locked but Makima- my least favorite. I groaned, and clicked on the PNG- presumably I had to play at least one route to unlock the others, but why was it Makima of all characters?
Before the game began, the game asked me a fair few questions. My name (Jennifer), hair color (brown), eye color (blue), a rough estimate of height and weight (not telling you that)... I was getting sketch and was presuming it was going to start asking for my credit card information or cup size or something, but that was actually all, the ones I listed. It launched straight into the game proper afterwards.
The route began in the usual crappy Ren'Py dating sim way, with backgrounds taken from Google and crappy stock music. I don't really remember most of the text from this route at all, but it did seemingly slightly mold the dialogue to what I put in, (including my name and the fact I'm fairly tall) and was mostly very generic- you got a job in public safety and Makima took an interest in you in an eerily similar way to how she took an interest in Denji- a lot of her dialogue SCREAMED "she's using you for something," from what I remember- but I had to trudge through and get the good ending for the other choices to unlock, it seemed- even though it was much more fun picking intentionally disobedient or insulting dialogue choices to piss Makima off.
There was one path that alarmed me, though- in hindsight, the first sign something was very wrong. It was the first "bad" route in the game that had a cutscene or something acknowledging it instead of just giving you one disappointed line from the other character and booting you back to the title.
It was right near the end, so I saved my game at that point and looked over the choices. I specifically remember the wording of the "bad" choice more than the good one- it was at the very end and Makima had confessed that she actually loved me the whole time- which I didn't believe for a second.
The choice said, in a different font, "Sometimes dogs can kill their owners."
I remember being somewhat freaked out by this choice, even as a "professional Makima hater" (again, my friend's words)- that felt a little bit like overkill- so I decided to just go with the good route. I was "rewarded" with some stolen fanart of Makima in a swimsuit and a quick return to the title screen where I had unlocked Himeno's route. Honestly, I just wanted to go on with the game-
But my cred would be ruined if I didn't at least see what that bad option was, so I clicked it.
Makima's sprite quickly changed- her eyes shrunk to tiny pupils and her skin went pale- I absolutely did not expect to see her so freaked out by something, much less such a dumb, edgy line. Her dialogue loaded in a letter at a time.
"What."
The screen abruptly began to shake, and it cut to a shot of what was presumably behind Makima, her silhouette faintly visible, yet blurry.
It was Chainsaw Man, or, I guess, some sort of strange perversion.
It was noticeably taller than Denji, and its arms and legs were stiff and many-jointed, twisting in unnatural ways. One of its chainsaw arms was noticeably rusty, orange chips of rust falling off and hitting the floor. Its torso was large and yet looked almost malnourished, ribs poking through the skin.
It spoke again, in the same font as the choice I made.
"I've gotten wise. Now I know about what LOVE really is." The word "LOVE" was in all caps, in a red font and shook around in the text box like it was shivering. "All you are is a circus trainer."
Suddenly, the screen erupted in flashing lights and text. I covered my face with my hands as the entire site shook and flashed in garish colors, alongside text appearing on screen that I could only take a vague peek at- but the text was so big I could make it out anyways. It was all commands you'd give for teaching a dog tricks. "SIT." "ROLL OVER." "FETCH." Things like that.
Eventually, though, the entire screen was covered in overlapping instances of one oddly appropriate phrase, for what came next: "LAY DOWN."
The image cut to a chicken-scratch drawing of Makima, lying down. Her eyes were open but the pupils were once again tiny, her skin was pale and the coloration was very loose, like a child drawing with crayons.
I thought this was a bizarre image, until Makima's head slid downwards with a sickening gurgle and thud, revealing a surprisingly realistic, oozing bloody wound on the neck stump. I clapped my hand over my mouth in horror as the image flashed on screen, before cutting back to the character select screen.
Makima's PNG was gone. Attempting to click on the area where it was yielded nothing but a stock cartoon buzzer.
Even as a hater of Makima, I could acknowledge that whoever made this game had a sick sense of humor- if they didn't scare the Makima fans off with whatever the hell that was, they'd definitely scare them off with the rapidly flashing lights.
There was something that I noted before I clicked on Himeno's route, wanting to at least see everything the game had to offer.
In his icon, Denji's smile got just a little wider.
Himeno's route was simple in setup, and the shortest- you met her, obviously drunk (her text was littered with capitalization and spelling errors, and each letter was a slightly different size), at a party and you had to try and hook up with her. It was strange; first, Makima's route was very similar to her treatment of Denji, and now this route was calling back to one of my least favorite scenes, where a drunk Himeno vomits in Denji's mouth and almost sexually assaults him.
I had now sort of compartmentalized this game in my head as being an edgy teenager vaguely familiar with Chainsaw Man trying to piss people off, but I had a morbid curiosity, so I continued on.
The finale here was identical to the last- the ending choice that netted you the good ending gave you a picture of the character in a swimsuit, the next one was unlocked, and there was another unnerving dialogue option.
This time it said "You ruined it for me."
OK, now I already had the formula down in my head- this weird not-Denji thing was gonna show up, rant at the character, tear them apart and then they'd be locked. I wondered how this edgelord would handle this incredibly sensitive subject.
I headed back and clicked on the option, but something very different happened.
The website loaded a new page- the URL reading "saki.html." There was an embedded video, not on YouTube but on some arcane foreign service. The video was with a low-quality, grainy camera, taken from under a bed in black-and-white.
I could barely hear anything that was actually being said since the camera's audio quality was godawful, but it was clearly an agitated argument between a young adult man and a woman that sounded around the same age. They feverishly argued for around a minute or two before the audio quality got better right as a loud shattering was heard.
"I-I-I didn't mean it," the woman said shakily, "I wasn't sober at the time an-"
Just as I was getting invested in what was happening, the page immediately cut back to the game, and to quite a disturbing sight.
Himeno was, as I had initially predicted, dead, flies buzzing around her corpse. There were no wounds or anything except for some scratches on her neck, and her eyepatch had been torn off, revealing a completely blank spot where her eye should be. The Chainsaw Man-esque thing was holding her in his arms like how a monster would hold a distressed damsel in an old science fiction movie.
Text appeared on screen, same font as I had expected.
"IF IT WERE UP TO YOU, EVERY KISS I GET WOULD TASTE LIKE VOMIT."
A short, textless pause.
"YOU CAN'T BLAME THAT ON BEING A LITTLE TIPSY, CAN YOU?"
Same cut, same blank space where Himeno was, same slightly wider grin on Denji's face.
I suppose I understood where this author was coming from, but I drew the line at this kind of cruelty, even towards fictional characters- as stupid as it made me sound. This guy, despite their talent, clearly had problems.
I was cautious to click on Power's PNG, but eventually did so.
What came as a shock was that this wasn't even a route. It appeared to be a crudely-done animation.
It was mostly a shot of Chainsaw Man's upper torso, drawn in a very scratchy style, the lines wobbling.
Text flashed on screen- you guessed it, same font, but noticeably shaking and in italics.
"YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO GAVE A SHIT."
"NOW YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME."
"GUESS I JUST DIDN'T DESERVE YOU, DIDN'T I?"
The screen flashed red for just a few frames and it cut to the same figure as earlier- I could tell from the ganglier arms- clenching its fists, black oil seeping down its face from its eyes as its head turned down.
"YOU MADE ME REALIZE I NEED TO FIGHT FOR SOMETHING MORE THAN A QUICK FEEL."
"BUT NOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, READY TO FIND AND HATE ME ALL OVER AGAIN."
The head turned back up and looked straight at me, like it was staring through the screen.
"SOMEONE, ONE DAY, WILL LOVE ME."
"I DON'T KNOW WHO IT WILL BE."
"BUT I WANT TO UNREMEMBER IT ALL."
The sound of a loud chainsaw and gross, wet tearing noises played as it lingered on that final frame before cutting to the final screen of the game. Denji's smile was completely gone and his PNG was the only thing in the game window, directly at the center. Feeling a bit sick, I clicked.
The last part of this definitely dissuaded some of the fear that I had, but it also definitely did something to my heart.
It wasn't really a game anymore so much as a short story kind of thing illustrated in the style of the visual novel formatting. I remember that it was a different image per every set of text, and I'll describe it here, since I remember it vividly.
The opening image was one of Denji on his knees on the ground, hands covering his face.
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE."
A slight zoom in on his tear-streaked face.
"EVERYTHING I HAD WAS GONE. IT FELT LIKE I EXISTED TO BE SPITED."
A hand entered frame.
"I HAD ALREADY DRAFTED THE NOTE IN MY HEAD. TELLING EVERYONE I WAS SORRY I EXISTED, AND THEY COULD BITE ME."
Denji wiped a tear from his eyes and looked up, confused.
"BUT I SAW SOMEONE LOOK AT ME, AT MY LOWEST."
A picture of a woman. I had to take a double-take- she looked shockingly like... me. With what I had entered in earlier- roughly my physique, the same hair and eye color, and a camera angle that implied she was fairly tall. She was gently smiling.
"SHE OFFERED TO LET ME STAY WITH HER. 'I DON'T WANT TO SEE SOMEONE OUT IN THE RAIN,' SHE SAID."
Denji walking into a house with the woman- not even close to my own, but I was still a bit rattled. It was at this time the text switched from all-caps to proper capitalization.
"We chatted and grew close. Eventually the idea of a date came up."
The two walking out of a movie theater, laughing. Denji was noticeably blushing.
"She was so sweet and charming and perfect. I could tell she liked me, which was good because I liked her back."
The two holding hands, looking up at a fireworks display as they sat on a blanket.
"It was the first time that love didn't come with some condition. She never asked me to do something demeaning, or to obey her will. She just liked me for me."
Denji hugging the woman, the two looking quite sad.
"I told her about everything I was, everything I had done. How I was only desirable because I was Chainsaw Man. I expected her to abandon me, or to treat me differently."
The woman wiping a tear from Denji's eye, her expression sympathetic.
"But she told me she didn't care about all that. She just liked when I was happy. She wanted me to be happy and to be away from anyone who didn't make me happy."
The woman sitting down happily on the couch, Denji lying down with his head in her lap. The two appeared to be talking about something and laughing.
"Not a day goes by where I don't tell her I love her. And she tells me right back."
Denji, looking at the camera, blushing and smiling. It stayed on this image for almost the remainder of the text.
"That's you, Jennifer."
I was a bit startled by the game using my name, but I quickly remembered, as before, I put it in.
"I know you saw me at my worst earlier, but that the kind of thing I imagined as I lay sickly on the pavement, thinking about how everyone I really knew was either dead or bad to be around. Ripping apart the people who wronged me."
"Now I don't have to act on those fantasies of revenge. I have something even better than all my fantasies, right here."
"No matter where I go or what I do, I have someone to come home to. It'll never really be as good as Power and Aki, but it's close."
His image grinned toothily.
"Love you."
Music slowly began to play- an excerpt of some kind of gentle synth song from the 80s, it sounded like.
"Walking along with you today, makes my dreams come true/What words can I use to say how much I love you"
That was all I could hear before I burst into tears. All the emotion, all my love for the character, everything, it all culminated right then and there, with this weird Flash game dev that apparently knew exactly the kind of way I loved Denji.
As I wiped my eyes, chuckling to myself at how stupid I looked, and the image faded from the screen, it abruptly cut back to the original title screen, and the original music loop started like nothing happened.
I closed the window, knowing full well there was only so much that my heart could handle, but before the tab fully closed a ZIP file downloaded to my PC, called "sunshineday.zip."
Presumably because my guard got left down from my violent, almost cartoonish sobbing earlier, I opened the file and unzipped it.
Big mistake.
...No, I'm just messing with you. It contained three completely virus-free files in total.
One was a txt file of Denji's monologue from the end of the game, one was a full version of the song that played (it was credited as Sunshine Day by Ray Rice), and the final one was a very manga-accurate, wallpaper-sized image of Denji and the woman from the game (who at this point I had just assumed was me) embracing happily.
It's been a couple of months since then. I ordered and successfully obtained a plush Denji that now never leaves my side, I set the image in the zip to my wallpaper and made Sunshine Day my alarm for college. It seems like a bit of a sappy, fairy-tale ending, but really, I was that hit, to the core of my being, by a very well-written visual novel, one that almost seemed like it was written for me.
I really don't have a good ending for this, but I will say that I still think about that game and read the text file now and again. As dumb as it sounds, sometimes I just imagine Denji by my side cheering me on and I can do anything.
I hope whoever made that game has a good life.
——————————
Author's Notes:
This pasta is more sad than creepy, honestly. I wrote it inspired by the Lacey games series, Sonic.EXE and how much I love Denji in real life.
This story, as I mentioned under the Grieving retake, almost made me break down sobbing- not helped by the fact I was listening to the song I mention in the pasta for the entire latter half.
Speaking of which, that was my subtle lostwave plug- go and check out some more Solved Lostwave from the channel "q"'s playlist, which is where I came across Sunshine Day.
Any Denji slander in this comments section will be sternly rebuked, btdubs.
——————————